


Vagus

by nctdream



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: But not being able to freely express/accept who he is, Chenle coming to terms with who he is, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctdream/pseuds/nctdream
Summary: Being the innocent, clueless, still developing and maturing 15 year old boy he was, he didn't know why he didn't feel the way the other boys felt towards girls. Why that girl Jeno couldn't stop staring at didn't seem that extraordinarily cute to him. Why all of his friends had a huge crush on at least one girl.Why Donghyuck's name immediately came to his mind whenever someone asked him who he had a crush on.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to make it clear that it is /all fiction/ and i do not know any of these people's actual sexualities in real life. i'm merely using their names and appearances, but the latter is up to the reader as nothing appearance-wise is specified. i wrote this for myself a while ago because i just had to get it out, so it's probably very bad as i am clearly no writer, but i just thought i would share it. carry on, thank you.

It confused Chenle a bit at first. Unlike the other boys, all of those supposedly beautiful, attractive girls didn't seem appealing at all to Chenle. They all fawned over the pretty teachers, but Chenle honestly just wasn't interested. Being the innocent, clueless, still developing and maturing 15 year old boy he was, he didn't know why he didn't feel the way the other boys felt towards girls. Why that girl Jeno couldn't stop staring at didn't seem that extraordinarily cute to him. Why all of his friends had a huge crush on at least one girl.

Why Donghyuck's name immediately came to his mind whenever someone asked him who he had a crush on.

No, he couldn't have a crush on Donghyuck, a boy. A boy just like him. It didn't matter how much Donghyuck made Chenle smile, or how he took great care of him. Nothing could result in a possible relationship or even a mere crush, because they were both boys. That was what Chenle's parents had told him when he told them about his high school troubles. 'Impossible _'_ , he 'could never have a crush on a boy, it would bring shame to the Zhong family name. No, Chenle, you only like girls'... _right, Chenle?_

He kept his head low whenever Donghyuck glanced at him, but looked right back up when Donghyuck gave up on getting at least a look of acknowledgement from him, and he continued to stare at the older when he wasn't looking. Chenle was sad, confused, disappointed, hurt. Hurt that his parents didn't let him like who he liked. He could only just admire from a distance.

And so he did, admire Donghyuck, his _crush_. He's now confident with giving him that title, though he only kept it to himself. He missed Donghyuck, missed the way he always brightened up his dull, dark days, missed hearing his beautiful laugh, missed his voice, missed his handsome face. He missed him. But no, he couldn't. being _gay_ was a sin, was it not? It would bring his family name to shame, would it not? But it would make him finally feel free, would it not? _No, no. It's a sin._

Chenle, 10 years later, was married to Kim Yerim, a pretty girl in other boys' eyes. To Chenle, Yerim was just... nice. Still in love with Donghyuck, (No he wasn't, what a sin!) he cried himself to sleep every night, and Yerim heard. She heard and she knew, yet she decided to keep her mouth shut. She decided that she didn't want to interfere, she didn't want to tell him that it was okay (because it wasn't.) She just let the man cry every night. (You know what he was thinking about every night? Definitely not Donghyuck, that's immoral and sinful.)


End file.
